Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
