I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
