do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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