So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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