Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
