Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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