I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
