the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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