its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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