the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is wine microwaveable?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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