My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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