so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
