Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
