my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
