My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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