so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
