Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
