Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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