I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
