I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
