i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
