meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
