1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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