Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
