I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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