85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
