Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
