My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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