just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
