Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
