This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
