I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
