Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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