then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
