i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
