is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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