I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my poor anus
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
