McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
