I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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