he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
