i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
