But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
