did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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