I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
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You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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