It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
