u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
