Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
