party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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