I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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