I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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