Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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