just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
