If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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