I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
