She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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